so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
