ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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