Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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