remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
