I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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