So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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