I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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