grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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