Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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