you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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