I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
