I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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