return my video game
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
