The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
