Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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