Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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