Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize