i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
