Welp...herpes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
