i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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