I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I want is dick and wine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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