watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
PANTIES FOUND
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