You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
