someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
