hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
