last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am one with the molecules
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
