I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
