The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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