Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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