***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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