Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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