so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
