Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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