So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I touched a dick in church today
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
