glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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