I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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