I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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