I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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