Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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