Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
