We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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