Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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