Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
