i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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