I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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