her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
