i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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