The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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