So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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