I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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