Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
