So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
