What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize