mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize