Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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