Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize