so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
