Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
