i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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