1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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