I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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