I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
