I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
