Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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