so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
