Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I forget how to act sober
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
