Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
