It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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